We Were Just Having A Bit Of Fun
by BusySoothsayer
Summary: King Arthur didn't realize just how mean he was becoming. He and his knights are about to find out the price that is paid for their constant pranks. I am rating this T because of subject matter and death.
1. Chapter 1

We Were Just Having a Bit of Fun

Gaius was bent over his lab table creating new potions when Merlin came walking down the stairs from his small room in the back of the physician's chambers. His eyes barely gave a flickered look of recognition when he said "Merlin, I'm out of fresh Stinging Nettles and I am going to need you to collect some from the forest today before going to do work for Arthur. The anti-inflammatory properties will work better for Sir Colfax's swollen knees.

"But, Gaius, I haven't eaten yet", Merlin replied weakly. His stomach rumbled just to make a point. The noise was very loud and more vicious sounding than that last hideous beast that attacked Camelot last week.

Startled, Gaius nearly dropped the vial of new potion he was brewing for Sir Percival. "Merlin, when was the last time you have eaten?" he asked when the shock wore off.

Merlin just shrugged his shoulders and replied in a small voice, "a few days, maybe".

"Merlin!" Gaius shouted' "How many days? You can't keep doing this to your body." He threw him a hunk of bread that was sitting on his table. "Eat this now". But just as Merlin caught the bread, in walked King Arthur.

"Oh thank you," he said, taking the bread from Merlin. The king then ate the food in one big bite.

Merlin started cursing under his breath as he stormed out of the physician's chambers. Gaius didn't look too pleased but the king had a cheeky smile on his face.

"Just having a bit of fun, Gaius," he said.

Gaius scowled at him, "Sire, he hasn't eaten in days …"

"I'm sure that's not true. It's just payback for all the times he calls me fat" Arthur smirked and followed Merlin out the door.

Gaius started to wonder just how many times this has happened and how often Merlin went without a meal. They have not eaten together for a few days now, due to their schedules, and it just occurred to Gaius just how ill Merlin looked. The hand that caught the bread was just like a skeleton and he was shaky all over. His face was very drawn and his cheekbones were very prominent with very little skin. Merlin's pallor was actually a little gray while his skin was looking dry. His eyes were sunken into his skull and looked glassy but dead.

He was going to make sure that when Merlin gets back from whatever impossible task the king set out for him, Merlin was going to start eating regular meals. Gaius decided he would ask around Camelot and see if he couldn't find more suitable employment for his ward. Employment that did not put Merlin's life at risk all the time. Surely destiny did not mean Merlin had to put up with being starved and abused.

King Arthur, his four closest knights and his lowly manservant, Merlin, were out on the hunt for a wild boar that was starting to terrorize the lower town. Arthur always felt the need to bring Merlin along even though the boy was never armed or wore any protective chain mail or armor. The more Arthur belittled the man for cowardice, the more important Arthur feels. He looked over to where the manservant was standing with shaking legs and watched him reach for a big stick on the ground to use as a weapon. His tunic rose up a little and Arthur caught a glimpse of a protruding stomach. "If you lay off the extra food, Merlin, your stomach wouldn't be so big and your legs wouldn't be too shaky from the fear of the wild boar." Arthur laughed and the knights all joined him.

Merlin's face flushed with anger and embarrassment at the king's comments. He accidently thought about a branch falling down on the king's head. The branch almost hit the king. Being hungry threw his focus with magic off.

Shaking the king said, "We'd better ride up for another mile and make to make camp. The trees are a little weak over here."

Along the way Merlin found different berry bushes but every time he would grab a handful, one of the knights or the king would grab them and quickly put them in their mouth and chewing them or knock them out of his hand and trample them. Everyone but Merlin would laugh and say how they were just having fun but they would keep repeating this pattern until they finally came upon the place where they set up their camp site for the night. He gave up trying to find anything to eat after that and just started making the stew that would be the King and his knights' supper.

After Merlin collected more firewood that would be used for the rest of the night, he came back into the campsite and started serving up the stew. All the knights were there with their bowls but Arthur pushed ahead and said, "I'm the king and I'll be first" and he kept indicating to Merlin to keep dishing stew into it his bowl until it was over-flowing. Arthur also grabbed a whole loaf of bread and snickered at the look on everyone's face. "I'm the king! That's got to mean something," he scoffed. The knights all followed his example and the next thing Merlin knew, all the stew and bread was gone and the only thing left to do was to wash the pot and dishes.

"Hey, Merlin, are you all right?" Gwaine asked. Besides the concern showing in his eyes, Merlin thought maybe he'd seen a hint of guilt.

"I'm just tired I guess," Merlin replied. He gave Gwaine a small smile, "Arthur is being exceptionally mean to me lately and I get tired trying to figure out why." Gwaine gave him a sympathetic smile.

"What are whining about now, Merlin?" Arthur asked. He gave Merlin an extra hard clap on the left shoulder when he asked that. There was a loud snap that the knights a few yards away could hear.

"Ouch! What the hell do you think you're doing, you stupid, Prat!?' Merlin ground out painfully.

"Stop being such a girl, Merlin," Arthur said as he walked off.

"See what I mean?" Merlin asked Gwaine.

Gwaine had noticed this for a long time and his guilt increased because he too had participated in the pranks and mean spirited horseplay. He vowed to himself that his part in the behavior towards his best friend was going to change. No more pranks and teasing or taking food that Merlin obviously needs. To Merlin he said, "Get some rest, Merlin. Tomorrow will be better, I promise."

Since there was no room around the fire, Merlin grabbed his threadbare blanket with his good arm and walked over to a tree that had a lot of fallen leaves. At least the ground would not be that hard. It was too painful to lift his left arm so he had to lay out the blanket with one hand. His stomach ached to the point of being nauseous and he no longer had the strength to stand. He slid down the tree trunk until he was in a semi-inclined position and he wondered where in the prophecy did it say his destiny was to suffer at the hands of a spoiled, arrogant, mean-spirited brat. Not for the first time did Merlin wonder what happened to the Arthur who was starting to treat people humanely and not with disdain.

Back at the campsite Gwaine brought up their treatment of Merlin to the attention of the others.

"Don't you guys think our behavior towards Merlin is more mean than playful?" The other knights agreed but the King just scoffed.

"It's Merlin. He can take it." The King said. "He knows that being my servant has it's …"

"Arthur, you are not listening!" Gwaine almost shouted. "You have been more mean and arrogant lately and Merlin is taking the brunt of your behavior and you just laugh like he has no feelings. He is probably the most loyal person you have ever had and he has put his life in danger more times than we can count just to save your royal backside." Gwaine paused for a breath. "Arthur, you just slapped him harder on the back than you would your knights and you heard his shoulder pop out of place. You did not even bother to ask if he was okay. As usual you called him a girl and left. Seriously, has he been leaving rocks in your socks or something?"

Even though the other knights agreed with Gwaine and felt terrible about the pranks that were just getting harsher and have gone on too long. No one else dared take Arthur to task for his behavior. And each felt guilty about that. Each, in their own way, decided that tomorrow it was all going to change and they were going to treat Merlin better. Nobody knew why it all went wrong but Merlin, even though he was not a knight, was a brother and it was about time he was treated like one again.

"Merlin is a lot stronger than he looks, even if he does look a little tired. Just having a bit of fun." Arthur stated. When he seen the thunderous looks starting on his knights faces he tried to look and sound contrite, "In the morning I'll apologize and you guys will see everything will be back to normal." With that, he went to lie on his bed role. Soon after, all the knights but Gwaine did the same thing. Gwaine stood on guard duty until morning.

Arthur was thinking about the way he was treating Merlin lately. He really does feel guilty about the way he treats Merlin, but he also feels that he really isn't doing things all that wrong. Sure the mean way he throws the goblet at his head every morning seems to be more and more vindictive but it's really not. Is it? The way he grabs Merlin's food when he sees him about to eat. Just a little retaliation for Merlin always calling Arthur fat. Has Merlin even checked out his own stomach? It protrudes over his trousers in way Arthur's never had.

They used to have fun with their bantering. Arthur knew that he was a bully and a brat and that Merlin would call him out on it. Merlin always treated Arthur as an equal and was never submissive to him. He always put the Prince/King in his place if his behavior became callous or outrageous to him or the population of Camelot. So when did it all change? The more Merlin stopped fighting back, the more the King would push and he did get meaner. He realized he was just trying to get the old Merlin back. He just wanted things the way they were. But lately he realized that Merlin had his focus on other things. Like he was waiting for something and getting ready to fight whatever it was. He refused Arthurs queries on what was wrong. So Arthur retaliated out of frustration. The more he retaliated, the more Merlin withdrew from him.

The last thing Arthur was hearing before sleep claimed him was the weird way in which Merlin was snoring. He rarely snored on these outing, usually if he was overly tired, but this noise sounded almost like a soft choking.

Morning came soundlessly and Arthur woke up without the aid of his useless servant. All the knights were awake and complaining about breakfast. Or the lack of it.

"Where is my useless servant?" Arthur asked. The uncomfortable look he received from his knights reminded him of their conversation the night before. "Sorry, men, just a habit." He smiled. "There he is, still sleeping against the tree."

Arthur walked over to where Merlin was propped against the tree and tried to rouse him. When he did not wake just by calling his name, Arthur kicked against Merlin's feet calling his name. When he still didn't wake up; Arthur looked up at the knights, kicked harder and said with a smirk, "Still won't wake up? Okay, I'll just keep kicking you" And he did just that.

"Arthur! STOP!" Gwaine yelled. His voiced quivered, "Just look at him." He said more quietly as he looked at the stiff body the King was still kicking, "Just…look…" Gwaine could not stop the sobs coming from his throat.

Arthur looked down at Merlin's body in horror. His mind couldn't process the fact that he was dead. He was having a hard time processing Gwaine's cries of, "NO!…no…nooo" as he reached down and felt for a pulse on Merlin's neck. There was none. Merlin had died shortly after sitting by the tree. His body was stiff and his skin felt like leather.

"Merlin!, please, talk to us", the king was frantic and was praying that what he was seeing was a nightmare. Leon and Elyan grabbed the struggling king and pulled him away from Merlin's body. Gwaine was still there, hunched over Merlin and trying to hug the stiff body. Percival, despite his massive size and strength, was trying to remove Gwaine from Merlin's body. Percival failed. After a bit of time and much pleading with Gwaine, he succeeded.

"We did this!" Gwaine snarled. "We should have paid attention. We should have stopped. We should have…" His voice broke and he couldn't finish the sentence.

"Protected him better," Arthur completed. "_I_, should have taken care of him better. How can I be King and watch out for my people when I couldn't see any problems and protect the one closest to me." Arthur was too choked up to continue.

Gwaine was angry and _really, really, reeeeeally_ wanted to kill Arthur. The other knights held him back until he could compose himself more. He stormed away to ready the horses. Elyan followed him with the purpose of helping. The tense silence was felt by the horses and it took a bit to get them ready but after a while they walked to the rest of the group with the horses.

Leon and Percival picked up the camp site while Arthur stood vigil over Merlin's body. The guilt he felt was so palatable that it thickened the air and made it difficult for him to breath or talk.

Gwaine approached Merlin with his horse. Percival picked Merlin up and put him over his horse. Because Merlin died in a semi inclined position, his body fit over the back of the horse and only required minimal tying down. With this last heartbreaking task, they all headed for Camelot.

The ride to Camelot was quiet and tense. Gwaine refused anybody else to guide the horse carrying Merlin. Arthur ordered that they ride straight thru and of course the knights agreed. Each was lost in their own thoughts of Merlin. The good times, bad times and times that could fall in between. But mostly each knight was thinking how they could have prevented this. They were each responsible for what happened. Each recognized how they had treated him unfairly for the last couple of months. The overwhelming guilt they felt, because there was nothing that they could do to change this tragedy, made them want to turn around and go the opposite of Camelot and never return to face the music.

As they rode thru the lower town, people starred and started to recognize the body draped over the horse. Sorrow filled the air and crying women and men tried to touch the body. When they entered the court yard of the castle, the guards alerted Gaius. He ran down the stairs as fast and agile as his advanced age allowed and made it over to Merlin to check him over.

Gaius' overwhelming grief made it impossible for him to make it back to his chambers so Percival carried him. Gwaine refused to let anyone, even Arthur to carry Merlin to Gaius' chambers. Everyone thought that the two would fight but Queen Guinevere came running down the long stairs crying out for her fallen friend. She ran to the King and he embraced her in a tight hug and the two of them cried together, ignoring all the people gathering and starring.

Back in Gaius' chambers:

The old physician was trying very hard to keep his emotions in check, but having to check over the body of the boy he came to love like a son was taking its toll on him. He had to keep shooing the knights and King from the table Merlin lay on so he could remove his clothes and do an examination.

"Sire,' he said in a frail voice, "I need to strip the body and examine it so could you all please go away and leave him with some dignity."

"Of course, Gaius." Arthur said. But still they just went to the opposite end of the room and stood waited quietly. Nobody would speak because they all were in their own little world of grief.

What seemed like an eternity but probably just a half an hour, Gaius called the King and his knights over to tell them what he discovered. Merlin's bent body had a sheet draped over his lower body but most of the rest of his body could be seen and it was not pleasant. Merlin was a skeleton. Every bone could be seen through skin that looked like thin parchment paper. His ribs were so defined that you could actually see were his internal organs were at. His face was so sunken in that his cheekbones were more defined than ever. His dark hair on top of his head looked like a crude wig placed on top of a skeleton.

"Your Majesty," Gaius would only address Arthur by his proper title now, "Merlin, _your_ manservant, died of starvation." Gaius just had to goad the king with the emphasis on _your_, and felt a perverse sense of satisfaction at the collective gasp he heard from the king and knights in his chambers.

"How is this possible? Don't you get enough food sent to this chamber for the two of you?" Arthur asked in shock and anger. Just thinking of his practical jokes was now gnawing at him and filling him with such guilt he started to feel nauseous.

Gaius scoffed, "Of course we do but when has he had the time to eat? You-always working him 'til odd hours of the night so he never has the chance to eat. You are always volunteering his services to _every _visiting noble that shows up and they keep him busy doing their bidding at odd hours never giving him a chance to eat or rest. Believe it or not, Your Majesty, many of them are cruel and kept him running around for their own perverse pleasure and didn't care about his health." Gaius took a deep breath and yelled, "Aren't there any other servants that work in this kingdom whose services you could have volunteered!?" He swallowed and said more softly, "You are the one that called him 'you're _worthless_ servant' but still handed him over to their very whims and beck and call. So we apparently don't care about quality service to visitors. And he still had to work for you on top of that!" Gaius swallowed deeply.

"Gaius, "Arthur asked, "He could not have been starving too much because his stomach protruded…"

Gaius interrupted, "Your Majesty, people suffering from malnutrition are afflicted with protruding stomachs. It's almost as if the body is trying to ingest itself to stay alive" Again Gaius took a perverse pleasure at seeing Arthur cringe at his graphic description. He no longer felt the need to protect the king's sensibilities or feelings.

"Gaius, malnutrition like that takes place over time" Gwaine spoke up for the first time.

"Yes, Gwaine, this has been going on for a long time. When was the last time any of you actually seen Merlin eat? I would say he probably only ate three or four days a week. Even less when he went hunting or on a mission with you guys." There was a collective gasp from the group. "Yes he told me about your little prank of eating all the food he'd make or fruit he could find and pick. Lack of nutrition is why his should is dislocated. Injuries and Illnesses occur when the body can't take in enough food to help it heal better"

The guilt everyone felt was thick in the air, making it harder to breathe. They all contributed to this tragedy. Lives were going to be changed now because nobody in the room felt worthy of their titles. If they could not protect one man, how can they protect an entire kingdom?

"We were just having a bit of fun," Arthur said in a loud whisper.

"And I'm sure Merlin is finding it most hilarious," Gaius choked. "Everyone, please leave."

At that demand everyone filed out of the physician's chambers.

Arthur made up his mind and told Guinevere that night his intentions. "I'm not fit to rule or lead…"

"Arthur," she pleaded. "Think…"

"No, Guinevere, I am not worthy of the throne and plan to abdicate immediately. I am going to leave the kingdom for good. You can stay or stay, the decision is up to you."

By morning, Camelot had a new ruler, the most trusted knights-of-the-round-table had disbanded and left for parts all over the globe. The former 'Once and Future King' Arthur rode out of Camelot, never to be heard from again.

* * *

A/N: I realize this is a dark story and I apologize if it upsets anyone. I prefer stories with happy endings but there are times when the dark stuff needs to be released too so the good stuff can get out. I recently lost an uncle to cancer and two days before his memorial, another uncle died of cancer. I have a family to raise so I can't get lost in 'the Dark Side', so my release is a dark story. So again I apologize if this story upsets anyone.


	2. We Were Just Having A Bit of Fun Ch 2

Anti-Bullying Initiative 2013

St. Patrick's Auditorium, Community Collage

The speaker was surprisingly calm and used a laid-back wit when describing the abuses he suffered in school. Being shoved against the lockers between classes when collecting needed books. Thanking God that the lockers were not big enough to hold a person or else he would probably have been stuffed in there as well. The books being knocked out of his hand as the bullies would walk by. Students would laugh, whether from mirth or just because they were too scared to put a stop to it. Some people just didn't want to get involved. Sometimes that included the teachers. They wanted a smooth day with no disruptions so if a bullied child was crying and could not contain their emotions, they were sent to the principal's office. Peace in the classroom once more.

Many people were starting to feel guilty or ashamed and wondered if they were the person that could have-should have helped when all that bulling was going on. Many were making silent vows to not stand by any more. Some would keep them, others would lose the courage when the time came and they witnessed those things again.

But the speaker wasn't laying blame; he was actually giving a message of hope. People will step in; maybe not as fast as we need them too, they will help out; maybe not in the way we want them too and they will make a difference for the better. His parents had been such people and when the school system wouldn't listen or do anything about the bullying, they pulled him out of school and enrolled him somewhere that embraced him as a person.

There was a very loud applauds in the audience when he finished his speech and he shook the MC's hand started walking off the stage. "Thank you, Mr. Christopher, for that inspiring speech. Bullies can't win. And here, to confirm that fact, is _the_ reformed bully you have all heard of and love," people started whistling and cheering in the audience and the MC needed to speak louder in the microphone, "Arthur King." The audience clapped louder.

"Thank you," said the young man into the microphone. Arthur King was a very handsome young man. He was tall with blond hair and sky blue eyes. His pearly white teeth were slightly crooked and he had full pouty lips. With his tan and muscular build a person could take him for a movie star or a professional athlete but his next words dispelled all of that.

"Hello, my name is Arthur King and I am a bully," He said in well-modulated deep voice that made the listener pay attention to his every word.

"Hi, Arthur!" the audience said in unison.

Arthur smiled at them and continued, "I'm not a recovering or reformed bully. I am a bully. If I am not vigilant, I could return to my bad habits and not even realize it. My bullying did not come in the form of physical abuses like beating people up, but more with words or subtle actions. You know- the mean spirited practical joke." He took a small breath and continued, "I need you to understand that once someone like me gets comfortable and think we are healed of our behavior so that we stop working towards recovery, we start to let history repeat itself. I want to tell you my personal story of why I always need to stay vigilant." He gave a small self-depreciating laugh at that. He took a deep breath and started.

"I come from a background of wealth and privilege, where I was treated like a prince or a king. I was raised that my station in life made me exempt from the normal acceptable behaviors of society. We did whatever we wanted too and got away with it. When I was in my late teens a couple of friends and I were working-out using my teenage 'personal assistant' as a practice dummy. He was a rather weak boy with little stamina and he was much smaller than we were. Along came this other teen and told us to stop; that we had already had our fun…"

Arthur went on about how he had met Merlin that first day- he didn't actually mention names and changed the scenario slightly to fit in with the modern times which also meant that his knights became '_his posse'_. How after having him arrested because he dared to interfere. When he had seen him again the next day he remembered who the tall lanky kid with pale skin and unique facial features was - normally faces are forgotten after seeing them. Arthur, being surrounded by his usual posse, upon seeing the gangly youth started with his usual trash talk. At first the youth ignored him and just kept walking away but Arthur was persistent. If he thought he could intimidate the boy, he was wrong. It came as a big surprise to him when the boy turned around and _refused_ to be intimidated. _What?_

"Look, I've told you you're an ass, I just didn't realize you were a royal one…" said the boy.

Arthur went on to describe how the youth insinuated Arthur would only fight because he had his posse surround him. He was incredulous. How dare this nobody challenge him! Arthur started telling the audience about the ensuing fight and how he actually started to lose.

"Me. Arthur King. Was. Losing. To make matters worse; I only won because he was distracted when he seen his guardian standing in the crowd looking on at our fight." The audience was roaring with laughter at Arthur's self-depreciation tone.

As Arthur started telling the story of Merlin and him, the audience started to sense a change in the mood of the message and started to get quiet. He told them of how Merlin saved his life and his father gave Merlin the position of 'personal assistant' as a reward. Even though it really wasn't much of a reward-being Arthur's assistant, it was good money for someone who had so little. People started to comment on the positive effect that Merlin had on Arthur and how he was acting more mature and less like a brat. But Arthur also told them that he stopped just short of calling Merlin a friend, because after all, he was still just another of his father's workers.

Arthur's speech held the audience captive as he described the relationship between Merlin and him. Friendship was evolving because Merlin did not put up with Arthur's crap and often times gave back the insults as good as he got them. "One minute I am a reformed bully who thought the world revolved for me, to a humble man going out of my way to help someone with a lower station in life than me."

Merlin made Arthur feel normal, he made him feel like everyone else. But then Arthur told them how every time another person would come along, Arthur would act like the Arthur of old and cast Merlin aside and always take the other person opinion before Merlin's. For the most part, Merlin would be right about the person and they would go back to their normal relationship.

It was also because of Merlin that Arthur had some very loyal friends in his life. Arthur had one friend, Leon, who would be loyal to Arthur, but didn't really stand up to him. Merlin was the one person who attracted loyal people to him. Everyone loved Merlin because of his happy-go-lucky and loving nature. His attitude brought more loyal people to Arthur's side. Arthur and his friends: Leon, Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival and Elyan always hung out together and tormented Merlin-like a little brother. Merlin could take the teasing and give back. His retaliatory practical jokes were legend. Then things started to change.

As always in these situations, the teasing became more hostile, practical jokes less funny. "I don't know how it started or why, but we starting taking his food. Of course he would complain, but then he would get something else to eat. But I was persistent in my mean spiritedness." Arthur told the hushed crowd. "We are talking about a man that needed all the calories he could get, and we thought it would be funny to steal his food. It was justified under the 'we are just having a bit of fun' excuse. But how fun was it for him? In his body's weakened, starved and pained state; I clapped him a little _too_ hard on the back-on purpose, just to show my superiority- I severely dislocated his shoulder." The audience gasped at that last statement. "But that is not the worse part," Arthur continues. "My friend died the night that I dislocated his shoulder." There were more gasps from the audience and quite a few tears. "So not only was I the cause of the malnutrition that took his life and made his shoulder pop so easily out of its socket, I caused him excruciating pain as he died."

By the time a distraught, choked-up Arthur told them that his grief stricken friends felt just as guilty and that everyone went their own separate ways; there was not a dry eye in the house. Well, there was one pair of Cerulean blue eyes that was dry. Dry blue eyes sat in a pale face with sharp cheek bones under a mop of black hair. He sat way to the back of the audience near the exit. His tears were all cried out centuries ago.

Arthur couldn't remember when the last time he felt so emotionally raw retelling the story about the death of Merlin. He was reliving that terrible day all over again for real, not in some safe memory that he could close off when it was too painful. What he didn't know was why.

Arthur thanked the previous speakers for telling their painful stories and he apologized on behalf of all bullies, whether they liked it or not, for the way they treated people and hopefully some good would come with these kinds of assemblies.

In the dressing room, there was a knock on the door and for a moment Arthur did not want to answer it. He did not want to talk to people while he still felt so emotionally raw. Nor did he want to lash out at some poor unsuspecting person who probably just wanted to thank him for his speech…again. The knocking was persistent so finally Arthur rose up from his chair and answered the door.

"Hello, Arthur." The man with a deep voice said.

There was a loud 'thump' on the floor as Arthur seen stars.

"Who's being a girl now?" The man said sarcastically as he helped Arthur off the floor.

"MERLIN!" Arthur shouted. In the next instant he flung himself at Merlin and had him in a bear hug that would have strangled an elephant. "OH MY GOD!" he kept shouting, "It's really you. I am so…so…so sorry, Merlin for the way I treated you and you dying…."

"C c can't …b breathe…" Merlin gasped.

"Oh," he released him, "I'm sorry. What are you doing here?" Arthur asked.

"Well, Mr. _King_….by the way, love the originality of your name…"

"I've use this surname in three different lifetimes. I am the Once-and-Future _King_, you know." Arthur interrupted.

Merlin snorted at this and said, "Back to the point. I figured it was about time that we met up and put the past behind us and for me to tell you that I forgave you a long time ago, you clotpole. I have a place nearby so we can go and talk uninterrupted. Shall we?"

An hour later they finally made it to Merlin's. They had picked up a pizza and some Chinese food on the way to Merlin's place because it was going to be a long night so the more food the better. Arthur commented that he was glad Merlin was eating and Merlin quipped back that he ate every day.

Merlin's place was small but clean and showed little signs of being lived in. He didn't collect anything but the occasional rare book. Many were on sorcery or dragons. He even had a few about the legends of King Arthur and himself.

"Nice selection" Arthur commented.

"I travel and live lite because for all the many years as I have lived, it would require a wagon the size of France for me to carry everything I would have accumulated." Merlin answered.

"How many years? How many life times?" Arthur was curious.

Merlin waved his hand over towards the sofa in the living area and indicated that they should sit down. Arthur followed him and took in the space. There was a small sofa, two bookshelves, a coffee table in front of the sofa and a small t.v. in the corner of the room on a small stand. A couple of dvds were in the nook in the side of the tv stand. There were no pictures on the wall or photo frames on the tables.

"You know, after you died Gaius told me you had magic…" Arthur began. He seen Merlin stiffen at this and continued, "I understand why you didn't tell me. First my father, Then Agravain constantly whispering and controlling my thoughts. Not to mention my bullying ways resurfacing. But still, I gave you funeral fit for a king. Many kings, queens, princes, and princesses showed up."

"Really?" Merlin was astounded by that information.

"Never underestimate the impact you had on all of the Five Kingdoms, Merlin. But still, I was kind of hurt and angry that you didn't use magic to help yourself." Arthur accused.

Merlin thought carefully before he answered, "I think by that time I was just worn out. It felt like trying to start a fire with twigs but just throwing the logs on; the fire just dies out." Arthur told Merlin that he wanted to use that analogy in his speeches. Merlin did not want to dwell on that dark times so he tried lightening up the mood. "Do you know how hard it was keeping you alive?" Arthur snorted and Merlin continued, "I don't think I met anyone so keen on dying…"

Arthur cocked an eyebrow high enough to make Gaius proud, "Have you met you?" He choked out.

Merlin laughed at that.

As they ate Merlin explained to Arthur that after he died, Gaius took his body to the Lake of Avalon and he was 'healed'. He told him how Arthur's most trusted knights, Merlin's friends, had all left Camelot for different parts of the world. How Arthur left Camelot with Gwen in self-exile and that as far as he knew, they never returned. The two men found a small village to live in where they practiced medicine for their keep. They never went back to Camelot, Gaius succumbing to old age a year after Merlin came back to life. Merlin stayed in the small village for about ten years. He wasn't aging and people were suspecting witchcraft.

"Wait a minute," Arthur said with a mouth full of pizza. "You haven't died and then come back several times?" He was astounded. He just assumed Merlin was reincarnated several times over like he was.

"No, just the one time. Other times I have been close to death but never truly died." Merlin replied. "I can age myself so I didn't have to leave the village or any other place I might want to live in, but without Gaius, that village was just too lonely. Traveling sounded good. I heard rumors about every one of the members of the Round Table and so I went in search of them. I found some but never spoke to any." Arthur's heart broke at the sadness in Merlin's voice.

"What about me? Arthur asked. "Did you ever find me?"

"A couple of times but you seemed to always be a child. You would not have recognized me because I can change my appearance but I didn't know if you ever had your King Arthur memories."

"Usually I receive them around age six or seven."

"Tell me all about the lives you've lived," Merlin insisted.

Arthur started at the beginning when he abdicated the throne and he and Gwen left Camelot for good. They travelled a long distance away because even though they left willingly, there were still quite a few enemies that would have them dead before reclaiming the throne. They found a small village and settled down and in a year's time, Gwen died from an illness that spreading in the area. He left the village shortly after Gwen's death and was riding in the Mountain range of Camlan when he was attack by bandits. It was a young man who was eerily familiar to Arthur and-in a strange way- bore a remarkable resemblance to Merlin that killed Arthur.

"That was Mordred," Merlin interrupted. "There was a prophecy that he was going to kill you. I was trying to prevent that but you just don't…" Merlin intoned

"Listen," Arthur finished.

They ate in silence for a few minutes. The more they talked the more Merlin felt revived. All of his tiredness disappeared and he felt like they could talk forever.

Arthur told Merlin of one of his earliest reincarnations in the Middle Ages. He was about seven years old and the entire village had to gather around a massive bond fire. The law decreed that everyone not on their death bed had to attend. This was a new kind of purge. It was a massive book burning. The guards kept piling books, papers, tapestries or anything that the village elders thought to be offensive and not to their beliefs. As the flames rose higher and higher, Arthur started to feel a sense of déjà vu. Memories from Camelot came flooding back to him and he screamed out. The Elders thought demons were trying to possess him and they grabbed him and separated him from his family and put him in an empty building so they could 'beat' the Devil out of him.

"Did you survive?" Merlin asked.

"Just barely," Arthur replied quietly. "I was made crippled and lived to my late twenties. No wife, children, or friends. You know just in case being possessed rubbed off." He continued bitterly.

"That must have been hard." Merlin said softly.

"Yes but in a perverse way I felt it was what I deserved for all the wrongs my father and I did in Camelot." Arthur put his hand up when Merlin was about to speak, "I am just as guilty as my father. When I got older I could have went against him but I craved his approval to much. When I became king, I may not have actively sought out magic users, but I didn't dissuade the persecutions either. So shall I continue?"

"If you want to," Merlin replied.

"I died of the Black Plague when I was a teenager and when I was reincarnated about a hundred years later; I started talking about my past lives. I was about seven years old and I was really sick and started ranting and raving in delirium. As the fever receded, the village priest started asking question and I told him what I lived thru. You'd think that I would have learned to keep my mouth shut after the first time but I thought if I made it look like part of the illness I would be fine…" Arthur's voice hitched and trailed off.

"Arthur? Are you all right? We don't have to continue…" Merlin was getting concerned because Arthur had a faraway look about him.

Arthur composed himself and looked Merlin straight in the eye and said in a rush, "I was only seven years old and put to the pyre because of witchcraft."

"WHAT?!" yelled Merlin. He reached over and embraced Arthur and pulled him into a hug. "Oh, God, Arthur I am so sorry. Nobody deserved that especially a little boy,"

"It was terrifying and the pain was awful and I was screaming," Arthur was on the verge of hyperventilating but he continued. "Thru it all though, until I died, I kept thinking that it was what I deserved…"

"No! God, no," Merlin held him tight and kept rocking back and forth. "Don't ever think that. Don't you ever think that again. Promise?" He felt Arthur nodding. "What was that?"

"I said, Uther was about a thousand years ahead of his time," breathed Arthur.

"Arthur, we are done talking about this. It's all in the past so you need to stop punishing yourself. You are doing a wonderful job getting the 'Bullying' message out now so what's past is past." Merlin pleaded.

"It was only in the recent centuries that I started living beyond middle age." Arthur went on like he didn't hear him. "And I still don't think I deserved too. Many other lives were more important so why me?"

"Arthur, you are the Once and Future King. But instead of Albion as an actual kingdom, your throne is the stage. Your system of justice is bringing everyone together and stopping the injustice of bullying."

"It doesn't matter how many speeches I give and all the positive effects it has, I cannot think of a time when I can forgive myself." Arthur's tone was low. They went over his past lives; he relived many of the more heinous treatments and punishments he received. Even Arthur did not deserve an eternity of self-loathing. Not when he was trying so hard, _and succeeding_, to make amends. Merlin thought it was time to light up the mood.

"Because it will never happen," Merlin intoned. Arthur looked at him like just grew another head but Merlin continued. "You hurt others, many others. But your life doesn't have to end. That which is right, just and true can still prevail."

Arthur choked out a laugh after that. "Oh. My. God." He snorted. "That was from 'Stargate Arc of Truth'. I didn't think you watched tv."

"Guilty," Merlin laughed, "it wasn't a direct quote but I needed to lighten up the mood. You need to stop punishing yourself and get on with your life. You've learned your lessons, so just remember them so it doesn't happen again." Merlin puffed, "And I'll have you know that I have quite an extensive collection of movies and tv videos."

"I count ten," Arthur told him.

"Well I am rather busy; so eat your pizza, drink your beer and get some sleep. Tomorrow we have a lot more catching up to do." Merlin passed him a blanket and told him to sleep on the sofa. "We wake up when we wake up so don't disturb me." With that he went into his bedroom and closed the door.

"Wouldn't think of it" Arthur whispered as he fell into one of the most peaceful sleeps he had in many lifetimes.

A new Albion was being created, and he had his friend Merlin to thank for it.


End file.
